Relationships can seem like a difficult landscape to navigate sometimes. Romantic relationship problems happen for a variety of reasons but usually, they result in one or both partners feeling emotionally disconnected in their relationship.
In this article, I will share my favorite strategies to help couples reconnect emotionally and feel closer in your relationship.
What causes Relationship Troubles?
When negative cycles of interaction set in, such as feeling misunderstood or not cared for, couples experience moments of disconnection or feeling far away from each other even whey they are very close physically. When these situations of emotional disconnection repeat over time, couples usually feel that they cannot count on each other. They stop considering their partner as a trusted source of safety, protection, support, and comfort.
The difficulty giving and receiving emotional support usually ends up interfering with the romantic relationship and intimate connection. After a while, some partners will feel more like roommates or siblings than like a couple. If the pain caused by the emotional distance is too big or unbearable, some people may start living parallel lives, together but disconnected romantically. This may bring a sense of bitterness and distance in the relationship.
Fixing Your Relationship
After a while of living this way, fixing your romantic relationship might seem like an impossible mountain to climb. But it doesn’t have to be.
Relationships, like most things in life, need work. Healthy relationships are built with effort, empathy and a willingness to give and invest time, commitment and care in them.
1. Recognition.
The first step if to recognize the patterns of behavior that trigger the internal negative emotions. It can get tricky when partners are triggered by certain typical behaviors of the other. We all develop ways of responding to situations that we might not be aware of. For example, do you great your spouse with a smile when they come home? Do you have any gestures of kindness towards them or you may come across as cold and uninterested?
Ask Yourself: do you know what bothers them but can’t stop doing it? Have both of you tried to understand each other’s distress using perspective? How do you communicate your needs? Are you clear and direct or indirect or aggressive when interacting?
The negative patterns can be broken. Recognizing them is the first step to address them constructively.
So, the next time that you notice that something that your partner says or does irritates you, you can write down what specific thing from what they said bothered you and why. What is the point that created suffering in you?
Notice what things that you do or say make your partner upset. Then ask yourself, are you willing to pay attention to these actions and set goals and a series of small steps so that you can work on changing them?
Letting your partner know what are you planning to do, may allow them to offer their help and support to you with your plan.
Discussing openly what is the meaning of this project and how it makes you feel needs to be done in a caring and respectful way so you can be heard and your partner doesn’t feel attacked.
2. Develop Empathy towards each other
The first step in creating a healthy and loving relationship is to be empathetic with each other. Listen to your partner with your full attention, an open mind and the desire to understand where they are coming from. Forget about your needs for a minute, focus on your partner and validate their feelings.
Are they feeling hurt, frustrated, misunderstood? Even if you don’t agree with their perspective, you can recognize why they are feeling that way. Most times, if your partner feels that you are making an effort to understand them, they will soften and feel closer to you. This will allow you to feel closer and it will make it easier for both of you to communicate in a different and more productive and caring way.
For example: “It can be hurtful for you to wait for me when I don’t let you know that I will be late. I understand why you might feel that you are not being valued.”
“Having to listen to my mother telling you how to do things and I understand that.”
“I understand that it’s hard for you to help with the dishes when you come home from work tired and you want to relax and rest.”
This is the first step in establishing a connection that can finally help rebuild the bridges burnt.
3. Remember Why You Love Them
Whenever you are frustrated by your significant other’s words or actions, instead of lashing out, a good strategy is recentering your thoughts and recall aspects of their personality that you do love.
Try to remember the things that you cherish about them, the parts of their personality that drew you towards them in the first place. How special they make you feel when you get along and how they complement your personality better than anyone else.
4. Do your part. Be the Change.
Most couples going through relationship troubles are tempted to take opposing stances on problems and demand change from one another. But when both parties are busy fighting over who should change, the actual change never occurs.
The best position you can take is to be the change you want to see. Being compassionate and trying to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Try to understand them first so they will probably be more open to understanding your position once they feel understood.
Think about what you can do to bring more happiness, closeness, passion into your relationship and start taking small steps towards creating the relationship that you envision.
Get Professional Help
We understand that reading an article may not be enough to help you solve the problems in your relationship. Sometimes, we do need help in figuring out how to deal with entrenched patterns that are not easy to change.
If this is your case, see a professional couple therapist will help you develop a better and healthier relationship. We all deserve to experience the joy of being in a safe, loving and supportive relationship and you too.
Book An Appointment
If you are interested in therapy in Vaughan, Thornhill, Markham or the GTA, please call 905.597.4404 for a free 15-minute consultation or fill out the form below and someone will contact you within 24 business hours:
