Written by Giselle Franco & Dr. Silvina Galperin
Getting older certainly has its perks. There’s more time to spend with loved ones, maybe respect and success in our careers, and years of wisdom and intelligence ahead. However, with age also comes changing bodies and health concerns, that can leave us down in the dumps. In fact, research has found that self-esteem begins steadily declining after the age of 60. Whether you’re at this age or not, you may already be feeling invisible and unworthy of attention. While it is important to recognize these feelings, it is equally important to find ways to feel good about yourself. Here are 6 tips to boost your self-esteem and help you realize your best days may still be ahead of you.
1. Stay Socially Connected
As we age, it is harder to make new friends. However, staying socially connected is important for our mental health. Having good social relationships can reduce feelings of anxiety or depression, so it’s important to develop social connections. You can try reaching out to existing friends or family and actively plan weekly or monthly virtual or socially distanced meetings. Some people enjoy trying something new, like joining a book club, mentoring others and passing on learnings to future generations, or volunteering. These activities will give you an opportunity to meet new people, share your wisdom, and practice your skills. Additionally, when we connect with others, we generate oxytocin in the body, which is the hormone of bonding, connection, and feeling good. It feels like your heart is warm, fuzzy, and filled with love.
2. Learn a New Skill
Working towards new goals shows us that we are still capable of learning new things and accomplishing projects. This attitude brings a youthful curiosity and desire to engage. Learning new things can shed light on other talents you may not have known you had. For example, you can try teaching yourself a new instrument or language, write, practice yoga, or pick up a project like gardening. While it can be hard to take the first step, the satisfaction of proving to yourself that you can learn something new is worth it and can bring a smile to your face.
3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk and Practice Self-Compassion
Low self-esteem often arises from negative and limiting thoughts we have about ourselves. For example, we may look in the mirror and frown at our wrinkles, or beat ourselves up over gaining a few pounds. We’re more likely to believe what we tell ourselves than what others tell us. Thus, it is important to create a healthy and positive mental space. Whenever you notice a negative thought about yourself coming to the surface, try to challenge that thought instead of accepting it. For example: “I’m gaining so much weight right now, I’m so lazy” can be re-framed as: “I’m gaining weight right now, but I went through a lot this year and I deserve to treat myself with the same kindness that I would give to a friend that went through this.” The more we challenge our negative thoughts, the less power they have over how we feel about ourselves.
There are several exercises that you can practice to develop compassion toward yourself. This is not easy, since we usually tend to feel compassion for others and be self-critical. However, Dr. Kristen Neff has a website with many free resources if you are interested. Here is a short video on self-compassion:
Additionally, here is a 15-minute “self-compassion break” audio by Chris Germer.
4. Practice Gratitude
Experiencing low self-esteem can make us forget to appreciate what we do have in life and instead focus on what we don’t have. However, getting into the habit of implementing gratitude daily can increase our happiness and give us a new perspective on life. An easy way to do this is to start a daily or weekly gratitude journal. You can write down a few things you are grateful for, like having a supportive family, having a body that still gets you through the day, and little things like a foamy cappuccino or a golden sun.
5. Indulge Yourself
Often times, when we are low in self-esteem, we are also low in self-love. We may rely on other people to give us compliments and make us feel good. However, there is more power in the words we say to ourselves. Give yourself a compliment every day, especially when you’re feeling bad about yourself. Indulge from time to time, within moderation of course. For instance, you can treat yourself to an early evening bath, stay in bed a little (or a lot) longer, or eat your favourite dessert. It’s OK to do the things that you want and enjoy. You deserve it.
6. Seek Help
Sometimes, it can feel impossible to make these changes by yourself. If you find yourself feeling like it isn’t even worth trying to improve your self-esteem, or you’re struggling with depression or anxiety due to your low self-esteem, it might be time to reach out. A CBT therapist can help you work through the challenges affecting your self-esteem and help you develop a more positive outlook on life. Getting older does not have to be draining. Life is about living each moment fully, mindfully, and graciously.
