Building Confidence Through Life’s Biggest Changes
Who hasn’t felt that nagging self-doubt when life throws big changes our way? Whether it’s starting fresh as a first-year student, moving to a new city, or taking on new overwhelming responsibilities, it’s easy to feel like you’re not keeping up. But just because things aren’t perfect doesn’t mean your efforts and achievements don’t count. Let’s dive into why it’s important to give yourself a break and build up your confidence, even when things feel tough. Not everything will be perfect at first.
👀 Find the Roots of Your Insecurities
Insecurity and self-doubt begin to manifest in our lives from an early age. They appear in childhood as a lack of confidence in our actions or uncertainty about our accomplishments. To get rid of them, you should figure out their source.
Why Am I Insecure?
There are four usual answers to this question: your relationship with your parents, social anxiety, recent failures, or perfectionism.
Let’s examine each of them in short:
- Estranged relationships with your parents.
The bond between individuals and their parents dramatically impacts their security. It begins in early childhood and is the foundation for constructing subsequent relationships in that person’s life. An individual can develop an insecure attachment style due to trauma or neglect. This leaves them with emotional anxieties that can hinder their sense of self-confidence. - Social anxiety.
Like most emotional issues, social anxiety often stems from childhood (though it can also develop later in life). It can arise as a result of exclusion from friend groups, parental pressure, bullying, discrimination, or other traumatic events. Social anxiety distorts a person’s perception of their self-worth. It makes them believe that others are constantly judging their actions. The fear of being evaluated and considered not good enough makes these individuals feel self-conscious. - Recent failures.
Everyone experiences challenging periods, occasionally falling short of accomplishing something important. These failures are never pleasant, but they can hit some people harder than others. Individuals with lower self-esteem are usually more sensitive to setbacks and defeats, which only reinforce their anxieties. A recent failure, such as a bad grade, may remind them of their insecurities. It can trap them in a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt. - Perfectionism.
Ensuring that your work is of a high standard and paying attention to detail are admirable qualities. However, when taken too far, this can turn into perfectionism, leaving you disappointed. After all, there is no way to ensure that everything you do will turn out flawless. If you keep blaming yourself for your inability to be perfect, your confidence and self-esteem will significantly suffer.
What Can I Do?
Finding the source of your self-doubt will be much easier for you to manage it. Firstly, understanding your feelings and reasons allows you to assess your situation from a new angle. That could be enough for you to start believing in yourself. Secondly, every problem has its unique solution:
| If you’re insecure due to… | You can… |
| 👪 Estranged relationships with your parents | Practice being more honest and vulnerable with people. This will let your mind get used to opening up and connecting with others. Purposefully approach your friends or family members to spend quality time together. Talk through the things that concern you. You might find out that being open about your insecurities can help you overcome them. |
| 😰 Social anxiety | Focus on others instead of concentrating on yourself and your actions. Notice what the people around you are doing, saying, or feeling. Try to find similarities between them and yourself or a common point of interest. Don’t avoid social situations since that will only worsen your anxiety. |
| ❌ Recent failures | Take a step back and see that it is a natural part of life. A single failure – or even a string of failures – does not define who you are as a person. Also, don’t forget about your achievements. You can recover from the experience by reaching out to close ones or doing something you enjoy. |
| ⭐ Perfectionism | Remind yourself that “perfection” isn’t obtainable. Besides, every person will have a different opinion on the same subject. It is also very likely that no one pays as much attention to the little details as you. The thing that matters most is the effort that you have invested in a project. Sometimes, “good enough” is an acceptable result. |
🧠 Reframe Negative Thoughts
When something goes wrong, it is easy to get trapped in a cycle of pessimism and self-blame. However, if you keep putting yourself down, it will only further reinforce your feelings of guilt and insecurity. That’s why learning how to reframe your thought pattern is vital.
To start developing your reframing technique according to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy , you can follow these steps:
- Recognize negative thoughts. The first step to successfully managing your negative thought patterns is to become aware of them. Naturally, it is much easier said than done. This is why you have to be mindful of your thoughts and ideas. Strive to recognize those that could become harmful. Pay attention to how your thoughts make you feel and take a mental (or physical!) note.
- Ask yourself questions. When you recognize a negative idea, pause for a moment. What triggered the thought to appear? Is it helpful? Would you think the same thing if you were advising a friend? Review this list of questions to determine whether your thought process is constructive.
- Think of the actual situation. Your emotional perceptions of reality typically warp your thoughts. Put your feelings aside and step back to assess the facts. Are your thoughts reflective of the situation you are in? Consider only the statements that you know to be accurate at the moment.
- Try to find a different perspective. The end goal of these exercises is to discover an alternative to your harmful thinking patterns. Once you have noticed your negative thoughts and pinpointed the facts of the situation, deliberately redirect your mind. In other words, imagine a helpful and optimistic narrative instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong.
See our top CBT Psychology tips on how to become more self-confident.
💖 Train yourself in Self-Compassion
If you want to become confident, you first should become more compassionate with yourself, as your goal here is to become your best friend and biggest supporter. It will definitely help you gain self-worth, understand how to forgive yourself for your mistakes and build your self-confidence.
If you liked these tips and would like to consult a professional to get more help reach out! We will be happy to connect you with one of our professional therapists.
When we say “be your best friend,” we mean “treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.” As soon as you berate yourself for what happened, ask yourself: what would you say if your best friend was in your shoes? Would you be so judgmental? Would you get mad at every little thing?
💡 Remember:
You should prioritize your interests – that’s the only way you get enough care and attention.
Let yourself be silly! And we can explain how you can do so:
- Let yourself make mistakes. People who don’t make mistakes are those who don’t try hard enough. It is part of the learning process, and you should try to enjoy every part of it. Failing but not giving up is necessary to get where you want to be.
- Don’t put so much pressure on yourself—lower unrealistic standards. You don’t have to make everything spot on from the first attempt but rather try your hardest. It is alright not to be perfect. You are most likely your most demanding critic. So, learn to accept your limitations and be kind to yourself if you want to make your life easier.
- Keep in mind your insecurities. Your inner critic may say you are not good enough, especially when you’re not confident doing something. Keeping in mind your insecurities will help you fight unwelcome thoughts. We all have issues and doubts. It is okay to embrace them as part of yourself.
- Look at the bigger picture. If you worry too much about minor things, it will slow you down. Doubting your actions can distract you from your goal and prevent you from enjoying the moment. Ask yourself whether your mistake or failure will still matter tomorrow or five years from now. You have no reason to beat yourself up if the answer is no.
- Don’t compare yourself to other people. It is one of the most dangerous practices. The more we do it, the worse we feel about ourselves. The tendency is called social comparison, and it tends to make us dissatisfied. Even when we achieve great results and fulfill our dreams, seeing someone accomplish more is an unhealthy practice.
- Seek out the meaning. You can overcome striving to be perfect by wondering why. The answer will let you gain perspective and realize whether something is crucial. Instead of getting caught up in your failures, look at your life with a strong purpose. Yes, you might not be perfect, but it’s alright!
- Allow yourself to try. Perfectionism is more about avoiding failure at all costs rather than reaching success. You might prevent yourself from growing just because you are anxious and scared. Considering the situation from the worst-case scenario is the hallmark of perfectionism. Instead, look at the positive side of trying something because it makes you closer to your goal.
💡 Mainly:
If you are embarrassed about some of your hobbies, don’t be. Everyone enjoys different things, so do not be ashamed about something you like. Your passions and interests are not “guilty pleasures” – there is no guilt in taking pleasure from something legal.
👩⚕️ Seek out a Therapist
In some cases, our advice might turn out to be completely ineffective. Every person has to find their unique way of dealing with insecurities. If none of the methods you have tried are effective, you might want to seek some additional help. In that case, we advise turning to a therapist.
It is a good idea to look for a specialist if:
😞 |
You feel hopeless. When your every waking moment is disrupted with thoughts of self-doubt, it can become difficult to look ahead. You might find that your feelings of uncertainty in yourself make you unable to visualize your future. In that case, it could be the time to seek some professional help. |
☣️ |
Anxiety burdens your life. We all get anxious, especially during periods of prolonged stress, such as exam season. However, thinking about your worries should not take up most of your day, let alone hinder you. Look into therapy, especially if you start showing physical symptoms. |
📵 |
You avoid society. You might feel that the best way to manage your insecurities is to avoid situations that might become anxiety-inducing. In psychology, this is called “agoraphobia,” which is defined as the fear of being in environments you cannot control. When left untreated, this disorder can leave a person unable to leave their home. |
💣 |
Your emotions are out of control. Insecurities can bring many different emotions that could quickly spiral out of your control. You may find yourself switching between bouts of anger or frustration, unable to regulate them. Therapy can help you explore and manage your reactions. |
🥱 |
You’re always tired. Constant anxiety and self-doubt will eventually start taking a physical toll on your body. It manifests in small ways, such as trouble sleeping or lack of appetite. You will feel more noticeably tired at some point, seemingly without any reason. That’s a sure sign that you should look into seeking professional help. |
🧱 |
Building and maintaining relationships is nearly impossible. You could find yourself withdrawing from your loved ones and spending more and more time alone. Alternatively, you could begin to lean far more heavily on the people around you, forming an unhealthy dependency. A specialist can help you work through these issues. |
🏃 |
Improving yourself seems like an unbearable challenge. Want to break out of the negative thinking pattern but can’t figure out how? Working on yourself is a worthwhile goal but also a difficult challenge. Therapists can provide you with tools to accomplish this effectively. |
In short, we encourage you to seek out a at any moment you feel like you can’t handle an issue on your own. Even when that issue is a lack of confidence in yourself.
🔮 Bonus 21 Positive Affirmations to Get You Going
Positive thinking is a powerful tool when it comes to building your self-esteem. Yet, it can be tough to practice, especially for people with numerous insecurities. That’s why we recommend you try affirmations first.
It is more likely to come true when we believe in something wholeheartedly. This may sound like fairytale magic, but it is factual. Consciously focusing on a particular thought allows us to strengthen its presence in our minds. This is why positive affirmations effectively break the old negative thinking patterns. You can repeat These short sentences or phrases to build up new pathways in your brain for confident thoughts.
Thank you for reading our article!
We hope it will help you become more confident in yourself and your abilities. If you think our tips can help your friends, link them to this page.
