This was written by a teen diagnosed with bipolar II disorder expressing what it feels like to be in her shoes:
I am going to take you into a new mind set. You are invincible, you can do anything. Your mind is cluttered with ideas. You cannot concentrate at all, the careless act has begun, and you have lost all control. Your body feels as if it is heating up and filling your mind with a sense of restlessness. Your body cannot stop moving, your heart is racing faster than ever.
You blurt out hurtful comments as if your mind has no filter. Your sense of right and wrong is distorted. The wrong feels better to do rather than the right. Your irrational thoughts and the anxiety build in your mind. Your stomach turns with fear. You are euphoric; your speech is sped up to a point where no one can immediately process what you say. You spend every cent in your bank account on items you don’t need. You engage in activities that are frowned upon like drugs, alcohol and other desires. You develop an intense appetite for food; you crave everything and cannot stop until the emptiness is fulfilled and even then you keep going. You are hyperactive and manic.
A week later you are at your lowest point and clouded with undesirable thoughts. You hate yourself; you hate every single atom your body is made up of. The face you see in the mirror is someone you swore you’d never be. You realize there is not one thing about you that you enjoy. You have lost all control. The anger and agitation hits you as if someone dropped a 100 pound weight on your chest. You cannot escape these emotions, you feel like you’re going to burst; your body is physically shaking. You try to release the mental pain and all you can think of is replacing it with physical; you punch, you kick, you harm, you scream, you force the tears to stream down your face. You’re worthless, you’re alone, no one understands you.
Why has your happiness left so suddenly as if you blinked and you’re in a new and negative life? You’re frustrated with everything and anyone in sight. Your week is slowly going by; the days feel like years, time is slowing down. You lose interest in your hobbies you loved a week or so ago. You try and sleep to go into a place of your imagination to stop your horrible reality from eating you alive any longer. You cannot fall asleep, your mind is so full of self-hate all you want to do is be gone forever. You’ve had multiple trips to the ER. You start to gain an eerie smirk on your face realizing you have strategically found a way to lead the nurses into thinking you’re fine. You always pre-plan what undergarments you’ll wear so that you are somewhat comfortable in the hospital gown that reeks of sanitizer and old detergent. You’re manipulative, you’re a monster, you’re bipolar II and you are in my mind set.
I bet you did not expect that. You see we are all too quick to judge each other. You may look at me and think “she’s so annoying” or you may think, “she’s a very humble person.” I’m not trying to preach the fact that everyone is so judgmental but really, we all are. The point I’m trying to come across is we’re all fighting our own battles inside and everyone these days seem to be so caught up in their high school life and I hate to burst your bubble but there is another world outside these white walls. It’s a world where no one cares about who you’re dating or how nice your body is. So stop being quick to judge someone, because you never know, that bipolar teen might be your boss one day or the teacher that is compassionate with your child.
Further Reading
The author, a teen who suffers from Bipolar II disorder has given the consent to share this piece so that others can try to understand what it is like to live with her condition.
CBT Psychology For Personal Development has an experienced child psychologist team.
