How Couples Therapy Can Save Your Relationship
It is human nature to want and need genuine and close relationships with our partner, family, and peers. However, some degree of conflict in relationships is normal. It is unrealistic for any couple to be together for a long time and agree on everything. Happy couples show empathy and compassion towards each other when they disagree on something. They tend to respond with kindness and respect to their partner when there is conflict. In contrast, couples who struggle in their relationship often focus on their own perspective and disregard their partner’s point of view or emotional needs. These couples greatly benefit from couples therapy.
There are many reasons a couple may be dealing with conflict. It is natural for people to repeat dysfunctional models or patterns from their family of origin without being aware they are doing so. These attitudes are difficult to change since they feel natural and the “normal” way of interacting. The more one partner acts in a hurtful way they learned years before, the other partner reacts with another hurtful response. They do this to protect themselves or to show their disappointment. We call this cycle of interaction “the more, the more.”
For example, the more one person complains to get what they want, the more the other partner withdraws and doesn’t do what they need. As a result, none of the partners get what they want. Instead, they feel disconnected and misunderstood. Repeated enough times, this situation may lead to a sense of hopelessness about getting their needs met in their relationship.
There are patterns that seem impossible to change no matter how many different strategies are tried over time. This is when a consultation with a couples therapist can help. An experienced therapist can identify the patterns that are hurting the relationship and bring awareness to the clients. In therapy, partners learn what they can do to meet their spouse’s needs and how to express their own. There are many strategies to help couples improve communication and understanding, show love and appreciation, and nurture their bond.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is a form of therapy that focuses on improving the couple’s relationship. It addresses the concerns that bring the couple to therapy. Some people start couples therapy with the goal of improving communication and interactions. Others start therapy to learn how to parent. In addition, a couple may start therapy to change dysfunctional patterns. A further goal of couples therapy may be learning how to nurture and improve the relationship. Concerns may include love, communication, trust, intimacy, and more. One of the most common concerns that bring thousands of couples into therapy are fighting, differences in sexual needs, and infidelity.
Throughout history, we have succeeded most when working together and forming connections. Despite this being one of our most important qualities as humans, with relationships comes conflict and complications. Thus, it is important to learn how to resolve these conflicts to develop and nurture healthy relationships.
When there is chronic conflict in a couple’s relationship, it creates sadness and a sense of loneliness and emptiness. The need to feel safe and understood is crucial to have a healthy bond. Couples that fight too much suffer a lack of connectedness that we all long for in a relationship. Some couples would only consider doing therapy when they are already thinking about ending their relationship. The lack of hope about being able to get help and heal the relationship or the stigma about doing therapy can prevent couples from getting the help they need to feel fulfilled in the relationship.
When Should I Consider Couples Therapy?
Couples go through many stages in their relationship. The first stage of a relationship is the falling in love period. Everything is sunshine and rainbows, and the individuals see each other as almost perfect with no flaws. There is a sense of completeness and fulfillment when the couple is together. After a while, this phase comes to an end. At this point, the couple begins to see each other in a more realistic way. Their real personalities and flaws start showing and they adjust to each other’s personalities and quirks. This is the stage when conflict may arise.
You should consider couples therapy when you tried to change your partner in many ways to feel happy in the relationship and failed. In addition, you may consider couples therapy when you feel exhausted or hopeless that you can get what you need romantically from your partner. Moreover, you can seek therapy when you feel that you have been badly hurt by your partner. Further, anytime there is an important problem within your relationship that you need guidance in resolving, couples therapy is a great choice. Oftentimes, couples wait years before seeking therapy, but couples therapy is not only for couples that face severe problems. In fact, many couples can become happier and more satisfied by doing a few sessions to improve their already healthy relationship.
What Should I Expect During Couples Therapy?
Like most forms of therapy, couples therapy begins with general questions about the history of the relationship. The therapist aims to get a good idea of the dynamic of the relationship and what concerns the couple wants to address.
After establishing a foundation, the therapist helps the couple identify the root of the issue that the treatment will then focus on. When discussing the topics of the session, the therapist may try to understand the individual’s upbringing and family dynamics. This is because much of our personality can be traced back to our upbringing. Many therapists use Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) to help couples develop healthier habits in the relationship.
After establishing the plan for treatment, the therapist helps couples better understand the dynamic of the relationship, the underlying assumptions, the individual needs, and how to communicate and interacts to achieve what they need. Clients learn about how they contribute to their cycles and how they can change their own stance to create more fulfillment and mutual satisfaction. Not all couples that seek therapy stay together. Some clients start couples therapy to get help in deciding if it is in their best interest to stay together or to separate. If they decide separation is the best course of action, couples therapy is a great way to figure out how to separate in the best possible terms.
Throughout your journey with couples therapy, you will learn various techniques for dealing with conflict resolution and improving your bond and attachment to your romantic partner if this is your goal.
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CBT Psychology for Personal Development
7626 Yonge St.
Thornhill, ON L4J 1V9
CBT Psychology For Personal Development is located at 7626 Yonge St, Thornhill, ON L4J 1V9.
Our psychologists and psychotherapists offer therapy in Vaughan, Markham, Richmond Hill, York Region.
We offer counselling across Ontario through teletherapy (online counselling using secure video platforms).