With the restrictions and limitations of COVID-19, times are tough for most of us. However, they are even tougher if you have to share your space with a narcissistic partner. Right now, we are all forced to stay inside unless it is absolutely necessary to leave the home. Consequently, those living with narcissistics are struggling the most in this situation.
Narcissistic people thrive on others to boost their self-esteem and self-worth. They are essentially unable to live without this “oxygen” that they get from their partners, co-workers, family, or even strangers on the internet. They know their targets, and have observed them and decided that these people will provide them with the fuel they need. People who are in a relationship with a narcissist know the dread of feeling constant pressure to agree with them, offer them praise and validation, and feel obligated to do what they want you to do.
During the lockdown, their narcissistic supply has to be provided mostly by their partners and family members. These demands can feel very draining. But, as the world gets back onto its feet, you might see a change in their behaviour as they prepare to obtain their fuel outside the family. You may see them starting to get back into shape to get the entitlement they think they deserve from the world. So, what can you do now?
1. Maintain your distance from your narcissistic partner
If you cannot come out of their area of influence, know that your mental peace is your priority. Protect it. Do not indulge in anything that you know is not good for your physical and mental wellbeing. Taking good care of yourself is your responsibility since your narcissist partner is not even slightly aware of your needs.
2. Recognize they need help
Talk to them. They are victims of their past conditions. Maybe they had narcissistic parents themselves or struggled with behavioral disorders. Try to use any circumstances that you have on them as leverage to encourage them to seek professional help to deal with their hypersensitivity. It will be good for them and you as well.
3. Create new boundaries between you and your narcissistic partner
As we all embrace our “New Reality,” we need to set new boundaries as well. With the change in the behavior of narcissists, you need to not just adapt but also create new limits with your narcissist partner. You can’t control them, but you can definitely control what you do for them. You can also be more mindful of your own needs and make time for self-care.
4. Stay away from arguments
By now, you’ve probably had several arguments with your narcissistic partner and have come to the conclusion that those arguments lead nowhere. They only increase your pain and trauma. Try to minimize arguments with your partner where you can.
Read about the heartbreak of relationships with narcissists
5. Get professional support if you are dealing with a narcissistic partner
Being the target of a narcissistic partner, a narcissistic mother, narcissistic father, or co-worker results in deep emotional wounds. They may cause you humiliation, fear, emotional pain, anxiety, and depression. Some people develop symptoms of panic as a response to narcissistic attacks. Please know that nobody should control your life. You are the architect of your destiny, and you can change your story and create a new life for yourself with a happy ending.
At CBT Psychology for Personal Development, we know how it feels to live and to deal with a narcissistic partner, relative, or “friend.” You need a safe space to think about your situation, how you feel, what you need, what you want, what your current circumstances are, and what you really deserve. Get professional support from someone who believes in you and don’t get trapped in the narcissist’s put-downs, mind games, and threats. There is always a way and we are here to help you find yours. At this time of social distancing, we are available for virtual counselling. You are not alone.
Written by Giselle Franco & Dr. Silvina Galperin
