Do you struggle with a narcissistic father?
Problematic, immature and selfish behaviour can be a sign of pathological narcissism. This can make your relationship a nightmare, and cause you mental issues along the way.
What exactly is a narcissist?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is most signified by:
- A sense of grandiosity
- Lacking empathy for others
- Need for admiration and superiority
Growing up with a father who fits this profile can take a severe toll on your mental wellbeing. You may suffer a lot of issues without realizing what’s wrong.
This comprehensive article will help you survive and deal with your narcissistic father.
Realize that His Behaviour is More than just Difficult
You probably prefer a solution that’s mutually agreeable. That’s not how a narcissistic mind works. A narcissistic father thrives on the sense of control. It’s his way or the highway, as far as he’s concerned. This isn’t just “being difficult”. It’s abnormal, unhealthy behaviour.
He may value his ability to manipulate you above having a functional family relationship. You won’t find him very willing to compromise or concede on issues.
Assert Your Boundaries
A narcissistic father will often cross your boundaries simply to prove that he can. He may show up uninvited to your home or events. He may defy your family rules to spite you. He may intentionally give presents only to the person he prefers, just to play mind games. You will have to set firm boundaries and enforce consequences if he crosses the line. Make it clear why you’re putting your foot down. This might feel like you’re having to discipline a problematic child. That’s simply how it is to manage an inherently selfish father.
Resist Gaslighting Attempts
It’s very common that a narcissistic father tries to make you believe that you’re delusional or crazy. He may tell you that you’re wrong when you’re obviously right. He may claim you’re remembering things wrong or making things up. When, in reality, that’s what he’s doing.
He may express seemingly sincere concern for your mental wellbeing, but this is one of his tricks. It’s a well-known narcissistic manipulation tactic.
Self-Compassion is a Priority
You’ve done well so far, getting through a very difficult childhood. You probably never got the compassion you needed and deserved. Instead, you were probably undermined, but you made it.
Recovering from such a childhood requires that you give that compassion to yourself. Embody your own ideal father inside. Don’t be so rough on yourself, you made it through on your own. When you feel overwhelmed in life, take a break and be kind to yourself. You have every right to acknowledge this feeling, and every right to feel better. Imagine the perfect loving parent comforting you through it. What would they say?
Set your worries aside. Unconditional self-compassion is very important. You may not always have the energy to support others, and that’s okay. Children of narcissistic fathers often feel this pull toward supporting others instead of oneself, so be nice to yourself. You need this for healthy relationships. You can’t have loving, reciprocal relationships with others if you can’t be compassionate with yourself.
Forgive yourself. Growing up with a narcissistic father, you probably never learned it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s time to learn this fact. You’re only human, forgive yourself and move on. Also, forgive yourself for putting your trust in your father, and other people who mistreated you. Any unhealthy relationship you’ve had, forgive yourself, you didn’t know what healthy looks like.
Realize that Others May not Understand
Most people have no experience with a narcissistic father. They won’t understand what it’s like. Their support and advice are usually terrible. They mean well, but they’re speaking from perspectives and experiences where no narcissistic father was involved. Even if they tell you about a problematic aunt or a criminal cousin, it’s not the same thing.
You’re not settling a mere disagreement with your father. He has a disorder, a constant problem that’s not likely to ever change. There is a treatment that can help, but narcissists tend to resist change.
Don’t worry about being judged for distancing yourself from your father. Don’t feel guilty. Dealing with a narcissist is nothing like handling an emotionally healthy family member. It’s not your responsibility to heal this relationship. If you notice that things won’t improve, it’s time to move on.
Consider Getting Professional Help
Growing up with a narcissist for a parent can lead to many issues throughout your life. Unprocessed problems fester and grow. Do you find yourself stressed out, angry and confused for no discernible reason? It helps to figure out the root cause of these problems. Perhaps you’ve been erupting with anger and despair to your family and friends, and you don’t know why. This is a common element of the recovery process from childhood trauma. It’s called transference.
You’re expressing and externalizing the feelings, and you’re pulling someone into the drama surrounding the bad memories. It’s an attempt to heal those childhood wounds.
It’s important to recognize that you suffered a lot of mental pain and confusion as a child. And this may have developed into serious conditions. You may be suffering from post-traumatic stress (PTSD) and not realize that it’s more than just a strange feeling. Read more about trauma therapy.
If you don’t understand the situation, it can cause a lot of problems in your present relationships. With the help of a skilled, trustworthy therapist, you can begin understanding these feelings and how to handle them. You can work it out, regain control, and feel better.
Because expressing the issues can be very unpleasant, but highly necessary, speaking to an impartial professional helps a lot.
Read how a child psychologist can help.
Recover from Your Narcissistic Father
Healing the wounds from growing up with a narcissist can be a long and complex process. Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) is a structured psychotherapy based on the cognitive model. The way you perceive the situation relates more to your own reaction than to the situation at hand.
CBT teaches you to change the dysfunctional thoughts and behaviour patterns caused by past trauma. You will learn to improve your mood and become more functional. There are many methods and possibilities. It’s tailored to your needs by nature.
Related Article: Dealing With A Narcissist Partner
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[contact-form-7 id=”4533″ title=”Narcissist-Father”]At CBT Psychology For Personal Development, we work with experienced Markham psychologists & Vaughan Psychologists.
