Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager?
The transition from childhood to adulthood represents a challenging time for teens. Lacking confidence and regretting past decisions both come with growing up.
But when inner criticism goes unchecked, it can lead to deeper problems. Feeling unworthy and unloved leads to low self-esteem for teens. And low self-esteem contributes to a cycle of decision making that reinforces negative perceptions.
Is your teen afraid of trying new things? Do they have trouble accepting a compliment? Or experience difficulty making friends?
If you answered yes to any (or all) of these questions, you’re not alone. Many parents today see these warning signs but don’t know how to help their teens. Since you’re reading this article, however, you’re ahead of the game.
You’re not ignoring signs of low self-esteem in your teen. Instead, you’re actively seeking out ways to help your teen build confidence.
Read on to learn more about self-esteem for teens and how you can foster it.
Self-Esteem for Teens
When teens have a strong sense of self, they’re not afraid to try new things. They feel equipped to take responsibility for their lives. This allows them to take pride in their decisions and accomplishments, too.
Teens with healthy self-esteem offer assistance to those around them. They recognize that they can have an impact on the world through their actions.
As a result, they tend to behave in ways that further reinforce self-esteem.
The Low Self-Esteem Cycle
When teens have low self-esteem, critical thoughts cloud their mind. These thoughts create a self-perpetuating cycle of poor decision making.
Bad choices get followed by harsh self-judgment and persistent regrets. Nagging feelings of inadequacy prevent your child from learning from mistakes. The cycle continues.
Low self-esteem starts with a hesitance to try new things or meet new people. But negative thinking paves the road for dangerous thoughts and risky behaviours.
Low self-esteem for teens gets manifested in a variety of ways including:
- self-destructive behaviours
- relationship troubles
- antisocial attitudes
- chronic negativity
- premature sexual activity
- use of drugs and alcohol to manage anxiety
What are some things that can cause this?
Predictors of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem stems from a combination of life experiences and how individuals choose to confront them.
Predictors of low esteem include exposure to the following:
- bullying
- chronic medical conditions
- loneliness
- anxiety
- parental criticism or neglect
- negative friends and peers
- abuse or trauma
- disruptive life events (e.g. divorce, moving)
- mood disorders (e.g. depression)
Self-esteem comprises the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that we have about ourselves. Changing these internal ideas and opinions doesn’t happen overnight.
But there are steps you can take to help your teen break out of a pattern of negative thinking. Remember that once you implement these interventions, seeing results takes time.
The Root of Self-Esteem Problems
At the heart of low esteem lurk inner criticism and inadequacy. So, start by helping your teen recognize and challenge their inner critic.
Assist your teen in realizing that negative thoughts are judgment-based, not reality-centered. Guide them to turn bad thoughts into self-affirming messages.
Teach your teen how to make positive self-statements. Then, encourage them to make constructive talk a habit. Hold yourself to the same standard as a positive role model.
When talking with your teen, avoid personal attacks and ridicule. Don’t let, “Take the trash out” turn into, “You always forget to do your chores because you’re lazy.”
Critical self-talk mirrors messages that we absorb about ourselves in early childhood. So, change the conversation to overcome issues with self-esteem for teens.
Esteem-Building Tips
Besides rewriting the inner dialogue, help your teen take these steps to improve self-worth:
- Celebrate what they do well.
- Focus on effort instead of perfection.
- Reframe mistakes into learning opportunities.
- Pinpoint trigger thoughts that cause low self-esteem.
- Get adventurous and try new things.
- Own their decisions and opinions.
- Give back to others through volunteering.
- Make wise decisions.
Support your teen’s growth and development by being generous with praise. This doesn’t mean telling your son or daughter that they’re smart or good-looking.
It means diving into specific situations where they performed well (e.g. cleaning their room, getting a B+ on their math test.) Use this descriptive praise to celebrate good choices and hard work.
Decision Making and Self-Esteem
Decision making remains crucial to a teen’s success. Yet, developing decision-making skills is an often overlooked process. And it requires practice.
So, find decision-making opportunities and guide your teen through them. Teach your teen how to clarify an issue. Show your teen how to brainstorm possible solutions, pick a solution, and evaluate the results.
Avoid judging your teen or belittling his/her choices. And don’t make decisions for your teen. This activity should empower teens and make them feel adequate and capable.
That means you’ll have to let go of the reins. So, allow your teen to explore the possibilities. Let them make some mistakes.
Finally, don’t let life get so serious that there’s no room for laughter. Sometimes, despite all of our best intentions, we mess up. Being able to take these challenges in stride and even laugh about them builds resiliency.
Final Thoughts on Self-Esteem for Teens
As a parent, you have a massive impact on your teen’s self-esteem. But teens also face external pressures that can trigger negative thought patterns and the low self-esteem cycle.
During the teen years, children experience many hormonal and physiological changes. They struggle to develop their own unique identity.
They deal with peer pressure and relationship dynamics that grow more and more complex. And they may experience their first romantic attachments or struggle with relentless bullying.
If your teen suffers from issues (e.g. anxiety, depression, or other conditions) that go beyond self-esteem, seek professional help. You, as a parent, have a significant influence on your teen’s self-image. That said, some situations require a professional consultation with a skilled therapist.
Does your teen need help breaking the cycle of low self-esteem? Are you afraid that your teen’s challenges may evidence a larger underlying cause, like depression or anxiety?
CBT Psychology has experienced Vaughan and Markham Psychologists learn more about the psychological services that we have an experienced child psychologist team. We’re here to help.
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